Thursday, March 16, 2006

ABC: Always Be Crying

It's officially lame that I'm posting twice in a row about television, but anyway: There are few things in life that make me feel more manipulated than crying at television programs. The ABC network has officially cornered the market on three-hankie TV programs. Case in point: ABC's "Exteme Makeover: Home Edition". Now, if memory serves me right, this show started out being, essentially, "Trading Spaces" with a bigger budget. But not anymore. Show me a dry eye in the viewing audience as Ty Pennington presents a brand-new zillion-dollar house to an overly kind family with disabled children, no money, but one heck of a zest for life and perservering through its difficulties, and I'll show you someone with no soul.

Tonight, I checked out the first half of ABC's "American Inventor," thinking maybe I'd get to see some cool robots, but I was totally pissed at the network when I found myself crying TWICE when some dude's shovel/dustpan contraption made the cut. I blame the manipulative music. In fact, I think ABC must have hired a Manipulative Music Director solely to produce tears in the eyes of the average American viewer during their reality shows.

With all of this talk of manipulative music, I'm reminded of one of the worst movies ever: Notting Hill, starring Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant. In fact, let's make a Top Seven list:

Top Seven Worst Chick Flicks Ever (which may or may not include manipulative music, but just go with me on this thought thread):
1. Maid in Manhattan
(Not that I have no love for J to the L-O, but Ralph Fiennes? Ralph Fiennes?!)
2. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(Even McConaughey couldn't save this plot.)
3. Notting Hill
(I only need to quote one line: "I'm just a girl, standing in front of..." I can't go on. Next.)
4. Runaway Bride
(Pretty Woman: good. Stop there. Please.)
5. You've Got Mail
(Sleepless in Seattle: good. Stop there. Please.)
6. Little Black Book
(Is this a send-up of talk-show television or a crappy chick flick? Apparently, both.)
7. Titanic (Oh, yeah, I said it.)
(For all of you who remember watching it 37 times back in 1998, I challenge you to watch it again, as a real, live adult. Couldn't get through the first 20 minutes? Me either.)

If any of y'all are reading this and agreeing (or disagreeing), please post your lists of the Top Seven Worst Chick Flicks Ever to the comments section. We'll get a debate going on.


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