Not So Fast, Victoria

Victoria's Secret's "Semi-Annual Sale" is going on now -- RIGHT NOW! Run! -- so, being the gullible Web-advertising-clicking woman I am, I surfed on over to the site to see what I could buy. No bras on sale in my size? Perfect, excellent, thanks. But while I was there, I thought maybe VS had something I could entice the Boyf with. Seeing as how we've been dating for almost three years, not much planned "enticing" goes on anymore, unless you count "watching TV" as "foreplay." It was my turn to step things up.

Victoria knows this, it would seem. Because when I clicked on this
















(tasteful, right?) another picture appeared at the bottom under the heading "MAY WE ALSO SUGGEST":

















Now, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that the majority of Victoria's Secret customers are not, say, strippers. I don't have anything against women wearing heels before and/or during sex, but these 3 1/2-inch gold metallic heels with large bondage buckle on the ankle are going to be a little, shall we say, TOO MUCH for the average American sexual encounter.

If the Boyf saw me in this outfit... um, well, I don't know exactly what he'd do, but he'd probably file the outfit in a brain folder somewhere between "trying too hard" and "Paris Hilton gone wrong."

I'll just take the $20 lace thingy, okay, Victoria? Thanks, though. Really. You've helped enough.