Sunday, March 04, 2007

Zero to Confused in 0.6 Seconds

My friend S in Minnesota is a big gym-goer (a gal after my own heart), and she's recently decided to give swimming a whirl. S is also one of the funniest people I know, and so when she e-mailed this to me this past week, I laughed out loud:

So I just looked up a sample workout for swimming and honest-to-god it makes no sense to me whatsoever. WTF:

Week 1

1 x 400 (:30 Think smooth, include technique work
1 x 200 (:30 Kick mix easy and fast efforts
1 x 200 (:30 Pull Second half faster than first half
1 x 400 (:30 Think smooth, steady, body position
1 x 200 (:30 Kick mix easy and fast efforts
1 x 200 (:30 Pull Second half faster than first half
1 x 50 (1:00 very easy technique work
4 x 25 (:45 FAST!
1 x 50 (1:00 very easy technique work
1 x 200 (:45 Do as 50 fast + 150 moderate
1 x 200 (:45 Do as 50 moderate + 50 fast + 100 moderate
1 x 200 (:45 Do as 100 moderate + 50 fast + 50 moderate
1 x 200 (:45 Do as 150 moderate + 50 fast
1 x 50 (1:00 very easy technique work
1 x 200 (:45 Do as 50 fast + 150 moderate
1 x 200 (:45 Do as 50 moderate + 50 fast + 100 moderate
1 x 200 (:45 Do as 100 moderate + 50 fast + 50 moderate
1 x 200 (:45 Do as 150 moderate + 50 fast
1 x 100 very easy technique work
3,500 Meters

Okay, this weird, certainly-not-for-beginners workout is funny enough on its own, but imagine if you wordlessly e-mailed this workout to a friend (who is not a swimmer) with no explanation whatsoever. I think that would be the fastest way possible to baffle someone. In fact, if any of you want to try that for kicks, let me know what your unsuspecting friend says in return. It might be funny.

Also: Is my mind in the gutter, or could this pass for a really impossible sex-technique guide? Well, maybe not much past the part that says "FAST!" if you get my drift.

2 Comments:

Anonymous S in Minnesota said...

I would like to hear how kicking would work in this sex technique guide you speak of...

11:42 AM  
Blogger NewbietoNYC said...

This is a very, very ADVANCED guide to technique. Hence the kicking.

12:09 AM  

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