Thursday, January 17, 2008

Your Turn

I say things to N that I should probably keep to myself. I think, though, that it's a sign of intimacy or affection or prospective closeness that all of those stories that wouldn't mean anything to anyone else, I want to tell N. He tells me he likes it when I talk. And, guys, I'm grateful for that. Seriously.

We met some of my co-workers out last night on the Lower East Side, and I had a chat with an old boss of mine halfway through the night. During our conversation, before N arrived, N texted me, and my face must have lit up, because my former boss said, "Oh, you are so into him. It's obvious."

Should I have saved that story for myself, to remember later, in private? Yes. But I told N anyway.

"Why do I keep telling you things like this?" I said, grabbing my forehead and closing my eyes hard, late on Wednesday night. "That's the opposite of what I should be doing! Okay, well, now you have to tell me something."

N paused for a long time. I like when he does that. He's thoughtful and calculating, and I know he won't reveal anything to me unless he genuinely means it.

"I miss you during the day," he said.

It was simple, and I loved it. My heart loved it. My heart loves him. He makes my heart happy.

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