Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Karaoke Basics

Seasoned vet or confirmed newbie, you must keep this one sacred karaoke rule in mind:

There are five songs that you should never, ever, under any circumstances sing in order to spare both yourself embarrassment and your listeners their sanity:

1. Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler: This song goes on far too long, and no one ever sings it well. Not even Bonnie Tyler herself. Trust me on this one.

2. Paradise by the Dashboard Light by Meat Loaf: You know how you think you know all the lyrics? Even the talking parts where it goes into a "baseball" play-by-play? You don't. Plus, you'll probably get bored around Minute Six of the eight-minute song.

3. Grease Megamix by Olivia Newton John and John Travolta: This song is neither cute nor pleasurable to the ears, despite what your drunken rump might think. Even if you have your own Danny Zuko at the bar whom you're trying to impress, I suggest challenging him to a mean game of nine-ball at the pool table rather than subject him to singing the "boy" part of this stinker.

4. Love Shack by the B-52s: The B-52s did quirky and made it sorta fun. When you do it while whirling around in circles and cackling on the karaoke stage, we kinda want to go to the bathroom if just to wait out the torture.

5. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper: You know what would be so totally awesome? Getting up with six of your drunk best girlfriends and screeching your way through this Cyndi Lauper classic. Oh, wait. No. No, that would be akin to hearing Richard Simmons do his rendition of "Friends in Low Places." Or nails on a chalkboard. Especially hearing your one tone-deaf friend who will "not go up there unless all of you go up there with me!!!" Gag.

Consider yourselves enlightened. Got suggs that I didn't mention? Put 'em in the Comments section.



Blogger Dr. Blogstein said...

I've heard Richard Simmons do his rendition of "Friends in Low Places" and let me tell you--it was inspiring!

10:58 PM  

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