Friday, August 31, 2007

Friday Quiz

This is great fun: What Alcoholic Drink Are You?

Here's what I scored:

You Are Whiskey
You're a tough drinker, and you take it like a man
That means no girly drinks for you - even if you are a girl
You prefer a cold, hard drink at the end of the day
Every day, in fact. And make that a few.

Is anyone surprised by my score? Didn't think so.

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Blogger Phil said...

Hi Jane,

I've got yours beat, If you went to my site I posted it and did the test as well.

Here is what mine says:Tequila
When you drink, you're serious about getting drunk!
You'll take any shot that's offered up to you...
Even if it tastes like sock sweat!
And you're never afraid of eating the worm.

Meaning: I drink strong and hard liquor ie for example one of my favs Everclear, Imported Porto Rican Rum 151 proof, Southern Style Moonshine from the Jug.

Like it says When I drink, I'm serious about getting drunk!

I love it when it's fast and the sooner the room starts spinning around the better I enjoy it.


1:21 AM  
Blogger Phil said...

Hi Jane,

So you upset at me because I beat you on that quiz? LOL

Say gorgeous, I sent you a picture of a Bikini girl with the kind of bikini that you would look very hot and sexy in. I would love to see how hot and sexy you would look in that bikini.

3:50 PM  
Blogger Dr. Blogstein said...

Whoa there're gonna have to fight me for the lovely Jane.

8:49 PM  
Blogger Phil said...

Well Doc, I think that it's about time that you started to show her your affections, many of us in fact have been waiting for that to happen and I would venture to say that so has Jane.

12:02 PM  
Blogger Rohan Hawthorne said...

I didn't do your quiz but I thought I'd better leave a comment because I read your blog regularily and didn't want to feel like a creepy vouyer.

6:57 PM  
Blogger Bond said...

Well it told me I am a vodka martini... as a Gentleman jack drinker, I take offense!

3:29 PM  
Blogger Phil said...

Hi Jane,

So whatcha been drinking for the past several days - almost a week? LOL

Best jeans advertisement for ever

10:34 PM  
Blogger Phil said...

Hi Jane,

Lady Sex Therapist Judging Doc Blogsteins Manhood Size

10:40 PM  
Blogger Phil said...

Hi Jane,

F-18 firing Anti-Taliban Missiles

10:45 PM  
Blogger Phil said...

Hi Jane,


"Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics"

10. Penile length contraction:
According to the relativistic theory of length contraction, this is an inevitable consequence of performing sex at the speed of light. An average penis of length 13cm traveling at 99% the speed of light will contract down to a length of only 1.8cm (this is about the same length as the smallest functional penis officially recorded). At the speed of light, length contraction leads to an interesting paradox in which the penis seems to have no length at all, but is still managing to have sex somehow.

9. Penile black hole formation:
At the speed of light, relativity also predicts that the penis will attain infinite mass, essentially becoming a black hole. When its owner realises that his penis has turned into a black hole, he will become profoundly depressed and overcome by a feeling of loss. John Bobbitt would understand; but Mr Bobbitt had his penis sewn back on, whereas a penis lost to a black hole is a penis lost forever.

8. Penis vaporisation:
If the penis is not lost to a black hole, it will be lost to the uncaring force of friction. A penis traveling in and out of a vagina at close to the speed of light will be subjected to enormous resistive forces. Since resistive forces are proportional to speed, this will heat up the penis enormously. The temperature of the resulting internal environment will be so high that the penis molecules will actually undergo a phase transition into a gas, vaporising the penis almost instantaneously.

7. Relativistic flaming semen:
In the unlikely event that a vaporised penis can perform ejaculation, then the relativistic semen will create enormous air resistance, burst into flames almost instantaneously, and generate enormous impact forces. These forces will be sufficient to pierce a small hole straight through a woman's lower torso, just like a speeding bullet, only incinerating the surrounding tissue as it passes through.

6. Time-dilated necrophilia:
Unfortunately, the woman will probably be dead before ejaculation anyway. According to the relativistic theory of time dilation, then if the man is to actually thrust in and out at a speed infinitesimally close to the speed of light, then from his point of view, his partner will be ageing extremely quickly, and will be long dead before he ejaculates. Legally, he will be committing necrophilia.

5. Lack of visual appeal:
Time-dilated necrophilia, flaming relativistic ejaculation and penile black hole formation are all very dramatic, but unfortunately they don't translate well onto the big screen. In reality, relativistic sex would only last for a fraction of a second, and would appear as a sort of muddy grayish white smudge, since the eye merges all images together at such high speeds. This is probably not visually appealing enough to make a porn-at-the-speed-of-light series out of.

4. Religious values:
Certain branches of Christianity would view porn-at-the-speed-of-light immoral anyway. It's in the Bible.

3. Property damage:
A penis is made up of a collection of charged molecules, and accelerating charged molecules emit radiation. To accelerate charged penis molecules up to the speed of light in a single thrust requires enormous acceleration. This will produce a frequency and intensity of radiation similar to that produced by a small nuclear explosion. It may be worth hiring out a hotel room if you don't want your own room obliterated.

2. Deafening sonic booms:
As a penis accelerates up to the speed of light, it will inevitably surpass the sound barrier, producing deafening sonic booms with every inward and outward thrust. If the neighbours haven¡¯t already been woken by your moaning, they will be now. Or then again maybe not, because they will be conveniently deafened and unable to hear you.

1. Excessive dietary requirements:
The amount of energy required to accelerate an average person up to 99% the speed of light for a single inward thrust is approximately equal to 16 million billion kilojoules. This is equivalent to the amount of energy gained by consuming 78 trillion weetbix. But 78 trillion weetbix will increase an average person¡¯s mass by approximately 1.2 trillion kilograms, requiring them to eat even more weetbix just to accelerate this additional load up to the speed of light. Nine out of ten nutritionists may recommend weetbix, but this is slightly more than the recommended daily intake.

10:58 PM  
Blogger Phil said...

Hi Jane,

Cars in heaven

Three men died and stood in front of God.

God asked the first if he had been faithful to his wife. He admitted to two affairs during his marriage. God gave him a compact car to drive in heaven.

The second man admitted to only an affair and was given a midsize car.

The third man was asked the same question and said that he had been faithful to his wife until the day he died. God praised him and gave him a big luxury car.

A week later the three guys met in a parking lot. The man driving the luxury car began to cry.

"What's the matter?"

"I just passed my wife, and she was riding a bike!"

11:11 PM  
Blogger Phil said...

Hi Jane,

Pulled Over

John was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?"

"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"

John thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license."

Judi, sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him -- he's a smart butt when he's drunk and stoned."

Brian from the back seat said, "I told you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!!!"

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"

11:17 PM  
Blogger Phil said...

Hi Jane,

Gotta pee

A little boy and girl are playing in a sandbox. The little boy has to go to take a pee and he was told by his mother to always be polite and don't talk about private matters in public. At first he holds it in for a little while because he does not know what to say to the little girl to excuse himself. Then he remembers what his Mom had said at the restaurant to excuse herself from the table. So he turns to the little girl and says "Will you excuse me I have to go powder my nose". And saying that he leaps out of the sandbox and runs to the washroom.

When he comes back the little girl looks up at him and asks "Did you powder your nose?"

"Yes" said the little boy stepping back into the sandbox.

"Well then" says the little girl, "You'd better close your urse because your lipstick is hanging out."

11:22 PM  
Blogger Phil said...

Hi Jane,

New Way To Enjoy Your Girl Friend or Other Men To Enjoy Your Girl Friend LOL

6:32 AM  
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7:39 AM  

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