Monday, September 18, 2006

Tic Tacs

When I was a cheerleader in high school (shut up -- it was the Midwest, and we all make mistakes), we girls talked about such scintillating topics as how many clicks we used on our new Secret dial-up deodorants, what width of hair ribbon was too large for competition cheering, and how many sports bras we needed to layer under our uniforms so our nipples wouldn't poke through. FAAAA-scinating.

So, one day back in the mid-'90s when my squad and I were at cheerleading camp, I made a joke about my having a small chest, which is true...unfortunately. I quoted Screech from an episode of "Saved By the Bell" when he was Bayside's gym coach (was it the students-as-teachers episode? anyway, who cares). Screech blew the whistle and looked one male gym student up and down. "Is that your chest or did two Tic Tacs fall down your shirt?"

The girls on my squad rolled at that one. Except, as cheerleaders are wont to do, they all misunderstood the point of the joke. From that day on -- for about two years or so -- everyone on the squad referred to "Tic Tacs" as the phenomenon of one's nipples poking out of one's shirt, most often observed during cold weather. They even made up a silly cheer about it: "IIIII've (clap) got Tic Tacs (clap)." (To be done while holding out one's chest in between claps, natch.)

I hadn't thought about that ridiculous cheer until today at the gym, when I was dutifully lifting my eight-pound free weights in front of four muscley guys pumping iron at their weight benches, and got -- you guessed it -- Tic Tacs. A total YM "Say Anything" moment, yes? Except I'm serious about this: If anyone out there has a suggestion, please tell me the proper etiquette for dealing with Tic Tacs at the gym in front of muscley guys at the weight station. Should I attempt to casually cover up with my free weights? ("Just strikin' a pose, guys! Go on and keep lifting!" *smile*) Should I go about my business and trust that the post-high-school-age men aren't staring? What if they do stare? Should I wear another sports bra, a la the busty girls on my cheerleading squad? Should I bind my chest with Ace bandages before suiting up? Band-Aids?

Anything. Help. Atoosa?

2 Comments:

Blogger Dr. Blogstein said...

I don't get it...your nipples are minty fresh?

9:45 AM  
Blogger NewbietoNYC said...

Blogstein, you should know better! My gentleman callers never lick and tell.

9:46 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home